Maybe I'm gonna be the one to save you
by YaoiAngelForLife
Summary: How much does Hiroki know about Nowaki's past? Was he always the happy cheery lovable idiot he is now? Or was there anytime he felt depressed? oneshot! WARNING: Yaoi mentions of self harm and sucicide.


**so this is kinda dark but the idea came while i was doing my hair (i kniw im weird) this is kinda occ espaically Hiroki but it was needed**

**DISCLAIMER i do not own JR but i wouldn't mind owning Misaki or Nowaki(i'm sure Usagi and Hiroki would mind though ahh well)**

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It was a normal saturday in Hiroki's and Nowaki's apartment, Both men sitting on the couch, Hiroki reading a book while Nowaki had his arms wrapped around his lover despite protest's (which have stopped now when Hiroki realised he wouldn't win).

Hiroki finished a chapter and decided to put his book down so he and Nowaki could get lunch. As he leaned over to the table to put his book on it he noticed something on Nowaki's arm.

There were lots of faint marks across it. Hiroki wondered how he had never seen them before but then again he had never paid much attention before. Now he felt horrible for not noticing he had an idea about what the marks were but was to scared to ask.

Besides there was no way Nowaki would ever do that. His happy aways cheery and smiley Nowaki would have never- Would he? Now he thought about it he didn't really know much about Nowaki's childhood apart from the fact he lived in the orphanage. Was Nowaki always as cheery as he is now? Was there ever a time he felt depressed?

"Hiro-san, you okay? You look worried and confused" Nowaki said his voice full of concern.

"Huh? ohh I was just wondering about the scars on your arm" Hiroki said quietly. He didn't know where he got the confidence to ask.

"Ohh w-well you d-don't need to worry about them they're n-nothing" Nowaki said his voice cracking and he unwrapped his arms from the older man.

Hiroki turned around knowing Nowaki wouldn't normally stop hugging him unless he was really upset. When he faced his lover he saw the taller man was facing down so Hiroki wouldn't see his face but the older man could tell he was crying silently.

Hiroki knew what he needed to do, If only to get his lover to stop crying. Shaking he went over to Nowaki and wrapped his arms around the younger mans neck he then leaned closer and kissed Nowaki's cheek.

Nowaki looked up suprised that Hiroki had done something so direct. Their eyes met, blue met brown. Nowaki could see his lover was generally worried and concerned.

"I won't force you to talk about it" Hiroki said in a whisper "But just know I am here and won't judge you, I know I can be agressive and I get annoyed easily but thats just who I am. I do care about you Nowaki and I know you have had a hard childhood. I don't show my caring side often infact some poeple have never saw it. I'm on my gaurd for the rest of the world but with you i know its no good because no matter what you always break through it. I-I love you Nowaki, You may not have been my first love but you are the first one to love me back. Now listen closley as i will only say this once, I will always love you Nowaki, I know you are 'the one' as they say, You are so kind and open and it makes me wonder why you choose me. I'm mean and grumpy and don't really express my feelings much but you tell me you love me all the time. You are the most important peson in my life, If I could marry you I would but i know the day it becomes legal you would have me down the isle in a flash anyway, I have an idea as to what those scars are and i can understand why you would do that. Just remember i won't judge you" by the end of his speech Hiroki had a few tears coming from his eyes. Every single word he said was true.

"Hiro-san" Nowaki whispered before kissing his lover. Hiroki kissed back instead of shoving Nowaki off. It was a simple kiss but passionate. The two broke apart due to lack of air.

"I did them myself" Nowaki whispered. Hiroki's breath caught in his throat his suspicions were right.

"I know" Hiroki whispered hugging Nowaki.

"I started when i was thirteen, M-my best friend at the time had just gotten adopted so i had no one, None of the other kids would talk to me they thought i was a freak then one day i hear two older girls talking about self harm and I have no idea why but I listened in. One girl said it took the pain away and i don't know why but i ran into my bedroom and found a sharp knife. I had so much pain, My best friend left me, I had no idea who why parents didn't want me nobody else wanted to talk to me so these voices in my head started telling me i was worthless that nobody would ever want me, Plus I had a crush on a boy at the orphanage but when I told my best friend he said that boys shouldn't like boys, Boys should like girls but the had no appeal to me whatsoever so i started to think i was distgusting so when i found the knife i dug into my arm really hard and it felt good, It felt as if i was in control of my pain, The pain went away for a while but it would always come back so i would do it again. Then one day the pain got so unbearable that I-I" Nowaki broke down crying. Hiroki tighend his grip on his lover. He had no idea how much pain Nowaki had to go through.

"Shh it's okay you don't have to say anything else" Hiroki whispered in his ear, Nowaki shook his head.

N-no i want to it feels good to get it all out" Nowaki said "A-anyway w-well by this point i was sixteen and had been doing it for three years and i had enough, S-so when no one was looking i went down to the medicane cabnet and opened it easily, I-i got a full pack of sleeping tablets and t-took them all in one go i then went up to my room and fell a-asleep. I don't know what happened after that all i remember is waking up in the hospital room with a heart monoter attatched to me, They said i died for a while but they brought me back to life" Nowaki said crying. Hiroki just hugged Nowaki tighter and moved so he was staddling the younger boys lap.

"Nowaki it's okay I'm glad you talked about it, do you feel better?" Hiroki asked. Nowaki nodded against Hiroki's neck.

Hiroki pulled back only to smash his lips into Nowaki's. Nowaki was a little thrown off at how foward Hiroki was being but soon responded kissing back. Hiroki started to unbutton Nowaki's shirt and shoving it off his shoulders never breaking the kiss.

Nowaki followed by unbuttoning Hiroki's shirt and throwing it across the room before attacking his lovers neck. Hiroki moaned silently.

Nowaki reached down and rubbed Hiroki through his jeans. Hiroki moaned and started grinding into Nowaki needing some friction. Nowaki was panting and thrust upwards making Hiroki moan again.

Nowaki unbuttoned Hiroki's jeans, The older man got off Nowaki's lap to take of his jeans and underwear. Nowaki done the same.

Nowaki pulled Hiroki into a kiss and licked the smaller mans lip asking for entry, Hiroki obliged and opened his mouth for Nowaki's tongue as he stuck his own tongue in Nowaki's mouth.

Nowaki pushed Hiroki onto the couch and quickly grabbed lube and put the cold liquid on his erection. He then climed back on top of his lover and kissed him before entering him.

Hiroki hissed in pain and pleasure. Nowaki started off at a slow pace then went a bit faster.

Soon the room was filled with moans, pants and gasps of pleasure. Somehow this time felt different to both of them, It felt as though they finally understood eachother, They know eachother a little better.

Their love making was filled with passion, It was intense but pleasurable, Their love for eachother showing through the sounds they made.

Nowaki started to attack his lovers neck, Biting and sucking until he left a mark that would surely be there for a while.

"Nowaki ahhh" Moaned Hiroki knowing he was close. Nowaki must of knew aswell as seconds later he had Hiroki's length in his hand and started pumping it in time with his thrust's.

Soon both men reached their peaks, Shouting out the others name as the pleasure ran through their bodys. Both men looked at eachother both breathing heavily after their intense love making. Nowaki pulled out of Hiroki and layed beside him on the couch pulling Hiroki close to him.

Hiroki layed his head on Nowaki's chest listening to the taller mans heartbeat and softly drawing circles with his fingers on Nowaki's arm.

"That was amazing, Thank you, Hiro-san" Nowaki said.

"For what? We do it every other day! Baka!" Hiroki said with a gentle town which totally took away from what the words meant.

"I know but this time was different, It felt amazing. Thank you, Hiro-san for everything, For understanding" Nowaki whispered the last part.

Hiroki frowed his brows "Did you not think I would understand?" Hiroki asked.

"Well I thought you would hate me, I mean I tried to k-kill myself, You might have thought i was weak and couldn't take pressure or that I was selfish, I felt selfish, Just know that right now i would never think of doing something like that, I love Hiro-san too much and I am so happy right now"Nowaki leaned to Hiroki's ear "My life became worth living when I met Hiro-san" Nowaki whispered. Hiroki's heart swelled with pain and love. Pain because of what his lover had been through and love because of Nowaki's confession.

"I could never hate you idiot! It wasn't selfish you were in a lot of pain I understand, Don't worry" Hiroki hesitaited before speaking again I never knew you went through so much, I'm glad you're happy now though, I-it's the same for me" Hiroki said blushing.

Nowaki smiled and grabbed a blanket draping it over them both. "I love Hiro-san" Nowaki said.

"M-me too" Hiroki said.

They spent nearly the whole day lying there cuddling talking about anything that came to mind, Sharing kisses every now and again. There was one thing Hiroki knew by the end of it.

He would anything to keep his lover smiling, Even if it meant being affectionate every once in a while.

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**this took me a week to write...I know extreme OCCness but it had to be for this story...erm about the sex scene...I know it's bad its my first time writing one..i was trying to make it hot but sweet at the same time (Fail much?) also i'm dyslexic so i apologize for any spelling mistakes. please review and tell me how i did. **


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